“My first time in any medical dispensary was here, in early 2017. Been using Cannibas since teen years, but had never bought it at a brick and mortar dispensary.
I had my legal, psychiatrist approved license for four months and had not used it out of uncertainty and fear. It was only after my supplier spoke a few times about the quality, price, convenience and sheer selection available at these new weed wonderlands that I perked up the courage to visit.
My husband, Steve, and I walked into an address on a cold windy afternoon; hoping it was the new dispensary but not sure. We had already been to a medical encounter earlier that day, so I was decompressing from the usual PTSD hangover that follows with nauseating regularity. Dying due to mis-diagnosis and neglect during an emergency room visit to the local hospital in 2007 left me emotionally scared and scarred in medical situations.
We were in a waiting room filled with the mouth watering sweet scent of fresh cut grass. Wow, I was surprised. I don't know what I expected, but a clean, comfortable waiting room did not quite fit my images for buying pot.
They were busy and nobody was doing any kind of orientation. I felt more unsure of myself cuz I had no idea what the process for moving through this experience may entail, nor did my hubby and I know he does not care for the feeling of being unsure.
Clumsily, I produced my license and was escorted into a locked room. This was a larger, open-feeling room with a dozen places to sit. Along one wall is a bank of counters with display cases behind and above. There are loose leaf menus of available product and prices. The people smile welcomingly, even at us who are perfect strangers. My hubby has a guest pass and I can tell from his posture he does not want to stay. I am not sure where to stand cuz there is no definable queue. People are simply lounging around while waiting for their turn.
I start crying. It is my turn and I don't know how to speak this new language of sativa or indica or hybrid. I have never read a label on a marijuana product in my life! And.... I had no confidence that there even were labels that existed on any pot product in the world. How could I navigate this new world??
If I hadn't already been exposed to a PTSD trigger that day, maybe I wouldn't have cried so hard. But I just crumbled. Standing right in the middle of this first time experience, and in front of my husband which makes him very uncomfortable.
So mixed with my confusion and uncertainty grew a guilt for even feeling so strongly. Helplessness quickly followed, as it usually does in my particular brand of mental illness. So I burst into tears and watched my own helplessness reflected in my husbands eyes.
But the cashier knew what to do. She called Tyler, the manager, and introduced us. He then took over and began asking meaningful, medical questions. He was trying to determine where I was at with my needs and past experience with cannibas.
Tyler began giving me great information. He had cute, funny memory tricks for learning the difference betweens strains. And the best thing Tyler did for me that day was the way he treated me. It was a healing to be in a tearful state and actually be helped out by pertinent, germaine, meaningful, cute and funny information patiently and kindly, that engaged my intellect and allowed me a way out of the PTSD emotional muck. I love the life of Mind, and Tyler was using mind to teach me how to shop at his shop. I stopped crying just exactly for the moments Tyler was talking. As I look back it must have been darkly comical to see a 57 year old woman sitting at a table with two men, crying unless Tyler talks.
But I understood. And I began to see that maybe marijuana could actually help with the PTSD.
My biggest barrier to receiving medical treatment was the emotional pain that I recall so freshly and acutely from memory of the original trauma, every time I have any kind of medical encounter. From a return to the scene of the crime, to a phone call with a nurse, visit to the pharmacy, or even taking my own medication at home is a possible/probable trigger for feeling awash in re-fresh trauma.
Along with all the great information, I tried a blend that tended toward anti-anxiety. On the easier doctor visits, I began experimenting with using relaxing strains right before and after the appointment to beat back anxiety and helplessness. It worked! My attitude began to change. I was getting a glimpse of how to function as healed.
Gratitude fills me. It could have gone vastly different that first visit. I might not have been willing to return. It was Tyler's courage and intelligence that pulled me through the eye of my own personal storm. Now I am able to benefit from all the medical advantages of having access to clean, fresh marijuana. Even labelled twice, smile*
I left that day with a few pre-rolled packets and some edibles to try. I returned to use RSO oil to eliminate a tumor, and further treat mental and emotional difficulties like insomnia, depression, anxiety and of course PTSD.
If you live anywhere within shopping distance of Rise in Carson City, and you seek good information about modern medical pot use, buy at Rise and plan on spending a few extra minutes asking thoughtful questions and listening delightfully to the heart and soul everyone working there shows for wellness through weed.