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Dog Parks: Are They Worth the High?

Published on April 4, 2018 · Last updated July 28, 2020
Dog Parks: Are They Worth the High?

Welcome to “Is It Worth the High?”, where our writers see newly released movies, listen to the latest album drops, and try other experiences while high to determine whether they’re worth your time, money, and most importantly, your cannabis buzz. This week, Dante Jordan pays a visit to his local dog park to determine if being around a fleet of furry friends while high is a pupper paradise or too much of a good thing.

Products Enjoyed: 6 bong rips of Platinum GSC

High Experienced (1-10): Started at 7, ended at 0

You ever thought about how fun it would be to get high and watch a bunch of dogs live their best lives? Well, I recently got stoned and hit the dog park with a friend of mine and his pup to test out the situation.

To the untrained mind, dog parks can seem like a relaxing experience where you can sit back and let your dog run around while socializing with other dog owners on some “Which kid is yours?” type shit. My experience, however, was anything but that. Turns out dog parks are extremely overwhelming, which is terrible for your high. Here are a few reasons why:

Too Many People/Dogs

Bruh. I thought it’d like be six or seven people/pets at the park, but there was a smooth 15-20 and apparently this is the norm. It’s chaotic. You’ve got owners throwing out all kinds of commands while these dogs who haven’t seen outside for 14 hours run around like they’re fresh out of the pen. This leads to a bunch of noise and ruckus, so if you were planning on getting high and cooling out, you’ve made a grave mistake.

Unexpected Dog Fights

YO. You ever see a Schnauzer pull up on a fully grown Rottweiler like “You thought I wouldn’t catch you in these streets, but here we are, bitch”? I thought all dogs were good boys/girls, but I saw hella dog fights at the park, which means we’ve been lied to. Outside of cop lights in the rearview, there is literally nothing in this world that’ll blow your high faster than unnecessary conflict and confrontation.

Imagine how it feels to be stoned and having to apologize to a stranger on behalf on your pet. Or even worse, having to almost fight another owner because their dog is improperly socialized and shouldn’t be at the park in the first place. Cannabis costs way too much to waste your high on situations like this.

Everything Smells Bad

I’m not talking good-bad, like the skunky aromas of Super Skunk, but bad-bad, like “Yo, somebody light 87 sticks of incense, please.” Dogs up there dropping deuces all willy-nilly, owners not even scooping up; it’s all too much, man. If you weren’t sober before arriving, you’ll definitely be sober upon leaving.

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Your Dog Gets Dirty/Sick

You brought your dog out for fun, but now he’s been rolling in the dirt and grass and other dogs’ dookie all day so you have to wash him when you get home. You came here to kick back and observe, and now you’re leaving with homework. Screw that. Washing dogs sucks, which is why 57% of dog owners only do it once every four years.

If you want to have your high blown by the sudden existence of a to-do list then sure, take your pup to the dog park and let them frolic. In addition to leaving dirty, they may even leave with some random disease they picked up by eating the poop of some dog that doesn’t have up-to-date vaccinations. Now you’re leaving with a list of tasks and surprise expenses.

Is It Worth the High? Are dog parks worth the amount of THC you consumed before going, or should you get high and do something else? For me, the answer is hell no, they are not worth your high. Enjoy your favorite product and go see Black Panther instead.

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Danté Jordan
Danté Jordan
Danté Jordan is a cannabis writer based in Los Angeles. He's written for Leafly, Weedmaps, High Times, and many more publications.
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