U........d

There’s a possibility- not a large mind you but a non-zero chance that right here in Cali’s dystopian hellscape Central Valley- I am possibly the highest anyone has ever been. 7:33AM. Saturday morning. April 11th. Can hear the snooty ol’ Karen next door deliberately trying to COMPLAIN ABOUT THE STENCH OF MARIJUANAR SMOKIN’D in the most passive aggressive manner as only a nosy busybody can truly make both obnoxious and also very funny and patently absurd. Think playing my vinyl copy of Sleep’s “DOPESMOKER” as maximum volume will help mellow her ass out. Stay fly. 👉🕳️👉

Well I bought this at The Bloom Room in San Francisco, CA. It was on the Sativa menu, I pulled it up on Leafly just to double check. Sure enough, it says Sativa. Now normally I’m an Indica person, but once in a Blue Moon I’ll grab a good Sativa to have on hand for more social situations and for my relatives and friends who don’t dig Indicas. But I was buying this strain specifically to share with my dad (who only really likes Sativas) and a close female friend (Sativas rev her up, ya know..?) so I spent a pretty penny on a 1/4 of this Top Shelf stuff. Looked amazing, smelled absolutely incredible, covered in sugary trichomes.... Smoke up and.... WAY more Indica than I could have ever possibly imagined!!! Hahaha! This knocked everyone’s ass out! I thought it was just me but, nope. Everyone who tried got heavy, couch-lock style Indica effects. What a trip! Just goes to show how much of an effect your grow environment, medium, nutrients, lights, harvest time, cure, etc, etc, can really change the outcome of your bud’s phenotype! It was definitely an excellent Indica thou! Lmao.

Dense, sugary, super sticky, sweet, savory, superb, swagged out, smooth, smokeable nugs of pure relaxation and escape from the uncomfortable and unfortunate, unending, unsatisfactory, universe of uneasiness and utter unpleasantness, that is “life” under Late Stage Capitalism in this Unholy Year Of Lord: 2018. Damn check out that baller ass alliteration up there man. Anyways, as someone who is a huge fan of anything Indica or Indica Dominant, Afghan Kush is easily considered a Classic in my book. Definitely in my Top 10 list for Indicas, no doubt. Beautiful, euphoric, warm and fuzzy, relaxing, almost a “sliding into a warm bath” kind of body high. Definitely an anxiety/stress reducing strain. And if you have pain issues, appetite issues, muscle spasms/soreness, depression, nausea, insomnia- honestly, ya know what.. pretty much any medical issues or symptoms that you’ve heard Cannabis may be helpful in treating? This strain is one of the few that can (in my opinion, obviously-your mileage may vary) be extremely helpful and effective in treating most symptoms someone new to medical Cannabis would be looking to treat. However, I would most definitely like to add that along with a nice, cosmic, trippy, stoney, happy, little high- you should be aware before consuming this strain that you are likely to- (1: Eat a bunch of stuff. Like, a bunch. Try to pace yourself, or you may end up regretting that munchie binge in the morning. & (2: SLEEP. You will VERY LIKELY be ready to fall helplessly into a DEEP, DEEP, SLEEP. ESPECIALLY if you stuffed your face after you experienced #1. However I must say that Afghan Kush sleep is soooo very satisfying and restful! Highly recommend this strain to all!

As flower, this strain is a delightful, classic, Stoney-ass Indica. Mellow, groovy, and just a pleasant and toasty cosmic vibration that pairs well with some loud, fuzzy, 70’s psych-rock. If you’re an Indica connoisseur, make sure you eventually have an opportunity to dip your toes into this hella chill nugg-age, you dig?? It’s also EXCELLENT as wax, and I’ve had it in a vape cartridge and and it had a sweet little buzz and a terpene profile that was surprisingly heavily leaning towards a nice Key Lime flavor! Recommended all around!

The location is... sketchy to say the least. Very much a keep your cash in a hidden spot and look over your shoulder every so often kind of neighborhood. Wouldn’t have felt quite so uneasy if not for being made to stand in line outside for 20+ minutes because they were at capacity inside, or something.. lots of colorful characters outside trying to part you and your money whilst waiting though!

So as I’ve mentioned in well, probably just about all my reviews, but I’m not a big Sativa person. It just gets my anxiety rollin’ and I just can’t seem to get it under control. Whereas with an Indica strain, if I smoke too much, “One Toke Over The Line” and all that, I find that it’s much easier to kinda reel in that quickly snowballing anxiety attack However, I DO enjoy very certain Sativa strains, ones that tend to be a lot more euphoric and happy/giggly but energetic and focused (without the anxiety) should I need to be. I’d much rather those kind, than full on like, Psychedelic Sativa City where I feel like like I just took a Microdose of LSD or Mushrooms. Not really what I’m looking for in a toke personally. Fuck ANYWAYS (sorry, it’s late, and I’m LIT), I decided that I was just a little tired of my local recreational delivery company’s Indica Oil Vape Cartridges, so rather than King Louis XIII or Skywalker OG I decided to roll the dice and get a 0.5g Vape Cart of 74% THC (0% CBD, .93% CBN) Super Lemon Haze by The Bloom Brand (which is actually owned by Leafly if I’m not mistaken?— and no this isn’t a sponsored review or whatever. If it was it’d be written like, considerably better lol) So the TERPS they got into the cart is PHENOMENAL! Such a sweet, candy-like, delicious, hashy GREATNESS. The Lemon and Citrus terps are ON POINT! Seriously, taste was excellent. Effects hit hard and fast, but are actually pretty mellow. Great for social situations and conversation. And definitely makes for a seriously sweet ass wake-n-bake. Overall, I’d just say it’s a very happy, euphoric, talkative Sativa buzz!

This strain was very popular years ago in my area (and in high school iirc..) before I used Leafly, and was such a well known and ubiquitous strain I just never really thought to bother with a review of this particular strain- until, a recently gifted specimen of some delicious, beauuuutiful, indoor Afghani was gifted to me by my Pops. Now I have a lot of anxiety issues and panic attack type of problems, and sometimes heavy (and rather embarrassingly on occasion, even NOT that heavy sometimes) Sativas and Sativa-dominant strains will often rocket right into being “Uncomfortably Numb” in a big way. So I’m just very big into that super cool, far out, stoney, groovy, righteousness is Indicas. Ahhh hells yusssss. And man this was the first time in a LONG time since I’d had some good, purple, STICKY Afghani, and it just really reminded me everything I love so much about Indica strains. Not quite couch locked, just... relaxed, feelin’ smooth, feelin’ goooooood maaaan. Like I’m sinking into a warm jacuzzi or something like that. Had some gnarly ass munchies, killed an obscene amount of fuggin’ milkshakes... I regretted that in the morning but hey, the future’s uncertain and The End is always near! ⏳👁☠️⚰️🗿🌑⌛️

A female friend invited me over to hang out at her apartment and just talk and relax while her roommate was elsewhere. She’s not real big on bud, and thus has pretty much zero tolerance for THC. But she had ordered 3.5 grams of some pretty top shelf Tangie, 1 gram of Animal Cookies, a pack of four 25mg Strawberry flavored Sativa “KushyPunch” brand gummies, and a mystery pre-roll. The gummies freaked her out right off the bat, so she gifted those, the pre-roll, and probably about 1-1.5 of the Tangie. Like I said, she’s not really big on weed so she doesn’t need (or want) much. So I was very thankful for the gifts. I’d heard a lot about Tangie, it being as popular as it is. However, I have a lot of anxiety issues and my taste most CERTAINLY leans towards the Indica end of the spectrum, minus the occasional good Sativa-Dominate Hybrid or a really happy, euphoric, not TOO psychedelic Sativa, but unfortunately they seem rarer these days. Anyways I love the orange/lemon/citrus terpenes that this strain gives off. The taste could be a liiiittle better honestly, but not too bad. Effects are great! Very mellow and happy and energetic with no anxiety! I really, really enjoyed this strain and sort of wished I had tried it sooner. Anyways, if you’re looking for an “active”, daytime, work/workout, gotta be functional bud, but you’re worried about anxiety issues, I highly recommend it. The gummies.... not uhh.. not so much...

Wow! Very interesting strain! Been awhile since I'd tried something noteworthy. Definitely one of my favorite "Cookies" strains to date. And man does the flavor live up to it's name! Sweet, doughy, and HIGHLY reminiscent of a Hershey's Cookies and Cream candy bar. Absolutely delicious taste on this stuff. Picked mine up from Central Valley Alternative (Dinuba, CA), and they did a beautiful job on this stuff. Decided to dive into it after about a month long tolerance break and ZANG! This stuff surrrrre does like to creep up on ya over about a 20 minute period. While I'd say it's Indica dominate (~65/35), it most DEFINITELY has a psychedelic Sativa zing to it that I expect comes from the Starfighter genetics. Powerful stuff man. Only four or five rips off a little spoon pipe and I was suddenly... well, very aware of how large my tongue felt in my mouth hahaha. But I would still say it was very euphoric and relaxing. Good for amusing yourself in the evening and chilling out before you crash. And if you don't have much of anything going on during the day then it's pretty pleasant as a wake 'n' bake too. Highly recommended. Especially if you're into Cookie strains.

Well. I finally found it. The perfect strain for ME personally. This is- without a doubt -my absolute FAVORITE strain to date!! UTOPIA KILLED IT!! It was this strain that got me hooked on their extracts. If your dispensary has any concentrates made by UTOPIA, and you have yet to try anything from them, TRY SOME. You will not regret it. While they do an AMAZING job on all of their concentrates, C. Banana is kind of their flagship strain, so to speak. The batch of C. Banana Cured Resin I'm currently dabbing on has a THC content of 81%, with 0.2% CBD. This strain is incredible for pain, nausea, inflammation, appetite stimulation- basically anything you could possibly use Cannabis for medically, this strain will excel at treating your symptoms. And the recreational effects are just a beautiful, happy, uplifting, soaring buzz that's mellow as all hell. =D And the taste.. the taste! MWAH! Absolutely delicious, you will NOT be disappointed. This strain is pure groovy, psyched-out goodness. If you can get this strain (especially if it's from UTOPIA themselves), don't sleep on it.