Smoke This, Watch That: Movie and TV Picks for Late Summer 2017Dante JordanAugust 28, 2017
But before we talk about what we’re watching, we have to talk about what we’re smoking.
Strains to Enjoy
I’d like to introduce you to my new favorite strain of all time (under the irreplaceable Blue Dream, of course). Animal Cookies will get you really, really stoned. I coughed through the entire 1-gram pre-roll and was absolutely gone by the time it was done. It’s the perfect strain for a Smoke This, Watch That type of evening.
I smoked some Critical Kush in Seattle, and this strain took me to levels that I wasn’t necessarily ready for. By the time I got home it was lights out, so know that if you Smoke This to Watch That, whatever you cue up might end up watching you instead.
White Rhino is the most potent strain I’ve ever smoked. If you want to get super high and not move an inch for hours as you flow through the below selections back-to-back-to-back, head to your nearest dispensary, scoop some White Rhino, and become one with the couch/bed. Any other plans outside of that will be futile after experiencing this strain.
What to Watch in August/Late Summer 2017
The Incredible Jessica James (2017)
Genre: Comedy (movie)
Mood: I Don’t Know What I’m Feeling, I Just Know I Don’t Want to Waste My Time
Jessica Williams is brilliant, and this film is about a Williams-based character named Jessica James as she floats through life, trying to find out what the hell she’s doing with her career, with relationships, and just everything in general. It’s one of those movies that’s really good but you don’t notice is really good, because everything is so smart and intuitive. Instead of sitting back and thinking, “Wow, that was incredible” after the credits roll, you sit back and go, “Wow, what does it all mean?”
Genre: Adventure/crime/mystery (movie)
Mood: I Know I’m Going to Hate This, But It Came Out Recently Enough to Warrant Me Clicking ‘Play’
I hate this dumbass movie because it’s a dumbass movie that I couldn’t stop watching no matter how hard I tried to turn it off. Nerve is basically about a couple of teenagers who get trapped in a real life video game. They livestream themselves doing radical dares, submitted by viewers of the live stream, for various amounts of cash. Ultimately, the game gets super serious and becomes a life-or-death matter, but they can’t just stop playing; they have to see it through.
Sounds like an interesting concept, right? TOO BAD THE MOVIE IS SO SHIT. The entire time you’re thinking, “Why am I still watching this?”, but you can’t turn it off because some of the dares get so nerve-wracking that you’re forced to watch until the end to see how real shit gets. You should definitely get high and watch it out of curiosity and the need for a small thrill, but just know it’s bad in an interesting sort of way. (Dave Franco’s still my guy, though.)
Genre: Action/adventure/drama (movie)
Mood: I Want to Watch Something That’ll Make Me Get Fake Deep
This movie is weird as hell. It’s basically about this little girl who raised a genetically engineered superpig named Okja in South Korea. Unfortunately, some We Make the Best Meats company comes to get Okja after 10 years for food consumption purposes. All I know is it’s one of those movies that you watch while thinking, “Wow this is mad extra.” Like The Hunger Games. It feels like there’s a big political meaning behind it all, but I was way too smacked to catch it.
Genre: Drama/horror (movie)
Mood: Dude…WTF Am I Watching? And Why Am I Still Watching It? And Why Did I Finish Watching It?
Kuso is the most disgusting, most disturbing, most “inappropriate,” most WTF movie I have ever watched in my entire life. I was led there by Zack Fox, a comedian I follow on Twitter who starred in the movie. Hannibal Burress and Donnell Rawlings also star in it. There are literally no words to describe how vile of a film it is. And…I loved it?
I have absolutely no clue what it was about and I’d definitely never watch it again ever in life, but I think I loved it. I don’t know, man. Check it out, but just remember I warned you.
Check It (2016)
Platform: Louis CK’s website (for $5)
Genre: Documentary (movie)
Mood: I Want to Watch Something That’ll Force the Realities of the World Right Into My Face
I’m still stuck on this documentary. It really messed me up. The world is so cruel, and it sometimes hurts to be so clueless as to how I can help change it. The Check It documentary follows a group of young gay and transgender black men in Washington D.C. who have banded together to fight back against abuse. Apparently D.C. is a city where LGBTQ people face a lot of violence on a daily basis (you know, like most every other city), and this documentary is sheer proof of that. It’s touching, heartbreaking, and will leave you feeling helpless as you try to find the words to discuss it.
Can’t Stop, Won’t Stop: A Bad Boy Story (2017)
Platform: Apple Music
Genre: Music documentary (movie)
Mood: I Want to Watch Something That’ll Motivate Me to Get Off My Ass and Change My Life
This documentary from Diddy and the Bad Boy Family chronicles their journey as they prepare for the Bad Boy reunion shows in New York. More so than that, though, it details the story of how Sean Combs became what he is today. It shows how hard he goes, how much he really cares about his craft, and how much of himself he’s willing to sacrifice to see every goal he has through. The man really refuses to settle for anything less than the absolute most in life.
If you’re in a rut, and in need of some serious inspiration, this is the doc you need to watch.
Genre: Sports documentary (movie)
Mood: Honestly, I Just Need a Break From Work and the Netflix Movie Selection Is Trash Right Now
CounterPunch is a boxing documentary that follows three boxers who are all at completely different stages in their careers. You’ve got the pro who’s enjoy a life of temporary retirement, the amateur who’s trying his best to get to the Olympics, and the rookie who’s just out there trying to make it. Like Can’t Stop, Won’t Stop, it’s one of those docs that make you think, “Damn, I should probably be working harder towards my goals.”
Joe Mande’s Award-Winning Comedy Special (2017)
Genre: Stand-up comedy special
Mood: For When You Want to Laugh
Hilarious. That’s really all there is to say about it. Joe Mande and his special are both really hilarious. I’ve known about this guy for a while, but I’d been purposely avoiding him because his appearance gave off Nick Kroll vibes, which I am 100% not here for. But I shouldn’t have judged a book by its cover, because he’s far from that.
Neal Brennan: 3 Mics (2017)
Genre: Stand-up comedy special
Mood: For When You Want to Laugh, But Also Feel Some Things
Neal Brennan, co-creator of Chappelle’s Show, is on stage with three mics, and at each one he does a different type of performance. At one he does regular stand-up, at another he throws out some one-liners, and at the last one he shares deep emotional thoughts. Watch this while high and you’ll definitely be in your feelings. It’s one of the most brilliant stand-ups I’ve ever seen.
Friends From College (2017)
Genre: Comedy/drama (TV series)
Mood: For When You Want to Hate-Watch Something
FUCK. THIS. SHOW. Not because it’s bad, but because its characters are the single most hateable characters I’ve ever come across in my entire life. They suck, dude.
Friends From College is a show about a group of friends from college who all end up together in NYC, which turns out to be terrible for them. Why? Because they’re all married and also all sleeping with each other. I hate them….and I cannot wait for Season 2. If you need a good show that’s an even better hate-watch, look no further.