The entire East Coast, from New York through D.C. and all the way down to North Carolina, is bracing for one of the worst snowstorms in years. “Crippling!” forecasts The Weather Channel. “Life and death!” warns Reuters. Skies this weekend are expected to dump two feet of snow or more. If you haven’t hit up the grocery stores yet, we invite you to join the canned-food panic and pick up a cartload of bottled water and non-perishables (although let’s face it, judging from #Snowmaggedon2016 posts, the shelves by now are barren as the bleachers at a Jeb Bush rally).
Buckle down, sit tight, and ride out this storm. We’ll help you not only survive, but maybe even enjoy the next few days.
It’s going to be cold, but that doesn’t mean you have to be. If you haven’t stocked up on wood, grab some extra logs and kindling to keep handy in case you need to build a fire. Don’t have a fireplace? Don’t build a fire. Instead, gather a pile of pillows and blankets and curl up in a nest next to your radiator or heating vent. If you’re worried your heat might go out, you can also make a quick and easy space heater using a ceramic pot, a cake pan and a few tea light candles.
PSA: Do not use your BBQ or Hibachi to cook indoors. People die this way. No joke.
Keep Yourself Entertained
Charge your phone and laptop now. Before the storm hits. Seriously. Go plug them in. Next, inventory the books stacked next to your bed. If the power goes out, your electronics will stay charged long enough for you to play a few games or binge-watch a few episodes of “Jessica Jones.” (If the power does go out, remember to unplug your electronics to protect them from a power surge.) When your devices die, those books are going to start looking mighty entertaining. Dust ‘em off and crack the spine. There’s no better time than a snowstorm to curl up with a good page-turner!
Note: A little strategery is important here. It’s hard to read in the dark. Maybe save your battery power for dark-thirty entertainment and read the bestsellers in daylight.
Embrace the Cold With These Frozen Blast Movies
The Day After Tomorrow
This movie is a little silly, but a fun disaster movie fits the theme of Snowpocalypse. Let Jake Gyllenhaal do your worrying for you, and be thankful you don’t have to outrun an ice age or set a library on fire to stay warm.
One of the funniest Coen brothers’ movies — now with an excellent television spinoff (if you haven’t watched Season 2 of Fargo on FX, now is the time to cue it up) — this classic crime movie is witty and ridiculous. You’ll wish you had Margie’s toque to keep your ears warm, oh sure, you betcha. Darn tootin'.
Maybe comedy isn’t your style. Looking for something a little creepy and mysterious? This campy John Carpenter sci-fi flick is set in Antarctica and features the bad-assery of Kurt Russell fighting a terrifying, unknown force in a cold, forbidding wasteland. Your 65-degree abode will seem cush and toasty by comparison.
March of the Penguins
If you’re looking for lighter fare, check out this nature documentary with a heart of gold. It’s got breathtaking cinematography in the style of Planet Earth, touching tales of animal families, and the cutest, fuzziest baby penguins you’ve ever seen.
Duh. Who says this is a movie just for kids? It’s frozen outside, baby, you might as well sing along with the weather. There’s no reason not to belt out “Let It Go” and dance around with Elsa. We don’t judge — you do your thing.
Warm Up in Your Head with These Tropical Movies
Watching Leo’s escapades on a remote beach in Thailand will make your winter blues dissolve like the turquoise water he swims in. Close your eyes. You can almost feel the sun on your face and the white sand between your toes!
Choose the 1980 classic, not the horrid Lifetime channel remake. This romantic island film features a young Brooke Shields as half of a marooned pair who grow up on a deserted tropical island. With all of the dangers they encounter in their time in “paradise,” you might be relieved to find yourself at home in a snowstorm rather than having to face cannibalistic islanders or poisonous fish.
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
A perfect movie to get your giggles going as you watch Jason Segal take the most terrible getting-over-an-ex vacation in the history of movie breakups. Filmed on the island of Oahu at Turtle Bay, the views will have you in a Hawaiian Dream of delight as you immerse yourself in the tropical scenes. Also, there are Dracula puppets.
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
The first installment of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies is a classic for a reason. It’s exciting and funny, with sword fights, daring escapes, and Johnny Depp doing the weirdest Keith Richards impression you’ve ever seen. Whether it’s your first time or your hundredth, this silly, swashbuckling, Disneyland-inspired affair is the height of entertainment.
If you didn’t snag a few sad remnants from the grocery store and your pantry is a ghost town, fear not! GrubHub and Eat24 are still delivering and will be until drivers' fingers freeze off. The brave souls who deliver pizza for Dominos and Pizza Hut will be venturing onto the icy roads to bring the gift of joyous pies to anyone who needs it. We only ask one thing: If you order delivery, tip generously. Anyone who’s on the roads in this mess deserves an extra dollar or five.
Make Food. Eat Food.
Baking on a cold day is one of the best ways to warm up your home and fill your place with the pleasant aroma of delicious goodies. If you’re feeling adventurous, why not try out a new cannabis-infused edible recipe? You can find easy steps for basic cannabis-infused butter here, and we’ve got yummy recipes for days — check out our favorite: blueberry lavender chocolate-chip muffins!
Note: Do not use your oven as a primary heat source! Carbon monoxide poisoning is a real danger, especially when you’re cooped up in an enclosed space.
Get Busy Between the Sheets
Can't go for a run in the frigid weather? There's a better way to get your heart rate up… If you know what we mean (wink wink, nudge nudge). Whether you're in a committed relationship or trawling the casual encounters section on Craigslist (please be safe), there's no better way to pass the time than with a little steamy adult action in the bedroom. Did you know that cannabis can enhance your love life? If nothing else, it will take your otherwise dull Snowmageddon experience to the next level.
Buckle Down and Ride Out the Storm
The majority of the East Coast doesn’t have access to legal cannabis. There are a few exceptions. New York and Connecticut medical patients, we hope you made a dispensary stop before the storm. If you’re in D.C. and have been taking advantage of those legal home cultivation rights, this is the perfect occasion to bust out your stockpile of homegrown.
For surviving a snowstorm, we recommend a nice, heavy indica or calm hybrid, such as Granddaddy Purple or Blueberry, respectively. We don’t recommend using an energizing sativa, mostly because it could make you feel antsy or stir-crazy. Avoid cabin fever if you can and go for something a little more relaxed.
- Pick up that art project you’ve been planning for months. If you don’t have one in mind, start one! A pile of old magazines + glue = collaging for days.
- Clean out your closet and make a giveaway pile. Someone will want that ratty AC/DC shirt, we promise.
- If you’re up for a real challenge, trim your pet’s toenails. We recommend using a towel and oven mitts for best results.
- Do your taxes. Gross, we know, but it’s about that time — and future you will be extra grateful when April 15th rolls around.
- Do your laundry. There’s nothing better than warm clothes straight from the dryer. Nothing.
- Do some writing. A little cannabis creativity can go a long way. Put a pen in your hand, paper in front of you and let ‘er rip! (Or just doodle.)
- Clean out your fridge. This will remove any remaining guilt you have about ordering delivery and give you an excuse to wipe up that mysterious sticky spot that keeps grossing you out.
Fingers crossed! Here’s hoping that all this media hype over the storm ends up being a false alarm (or at worst a good excuse for a snowy weekend in).